Thursday, July 10, 2014

Flotsam And Jetsam, The Little Mermaid, and Draculars

I have been cast as Flotsam in the Little Mermaid
I will upload a video of my performance if possible.
Flotsam And Jetsam

My Adventures At... Lake James (Part Two)

Day Two

The Most Useless Spoon in the Known Universe (except for the bending spoons in the Matrix- but as the kid said in that movie, "that is not a spoon (the blue text is a link)")

The spoons that Dad brought are gigantic, and they do not fit in the Yogurt cups that dad brought with us. Therefore I have to eat yogurt with a fork.  It is incredibly hard to eat Yogurt with a fork. It takes me about 4-5 minutes to eat the Yogurt with the fork.

We Fail at Fishing (Again)

This time, when we go fishing, we bring a hotdog with us to use as bait. That hotdog proves to be horrible bait, mainly because it flies off the hook when I cast my fishing line.  Finally, Dad concedes that we need real bait.

Lars-Trek: In search of a bait and tackle shop

We have no idea where we are supposed to go to get bait, so we head to the Ranger Station When we get there, I notice this sign on the door:
I look at my watch and see this:
The sign says that they will return at 8:00, but the current time is 9:25. Hmmm....

I get a new map, and we hop into the car and drive around, looking for a gas station that will sell us worms. This takes us about 2 hours, which is approximately the length of the Star-Trek movie In Search of Spock.


When we get back to our fishing spot, I think that maybe there will be fish in the submerged rocks at the water's edge.  Immediately, a creature that looks like a small lobster comes out of the rocks and attacks the worm on my hook. I reel in my fishing line and scream "I CAUGHT A LOBSTER, DAD! LOBSTER!" Dad is surprised, and tells me not to put it on him and that it is a crawfish.
A crawfish. They are usually approximately 15 inches long.
A lobster. They are a lot bigger than a crawfish
Anyway, I catch a lot of fish. I lose track at eighteen, so I don't know exactly how many fish I caught.
Dad didn't catch ANYTHING.

The Part where Dad breaks the rules and throws me into the lake

Dad decides that he wants to go swimming, so he chucks me into the lake. Then, Dad jumps in to the lake too. I notice a sign that says: NO SWIMMING and tell dad that we shouldn't be doing this. Dad says that he can't read the sign, so it doesn't affect him. Eventually, I convince him that we aren't supposed to be swimming in the lake and as I try to climb back out of the lake, I almost impale myself on a tree root. Eventually, I escape from the clutches of the lake.

The Nice Man Who Can't Sell Us Firewood Because The Ranger Still Hasn't Given Him Keys to the Firewood Storage Room

The Camp Host is a very nice man. He wishes he could sell us firewood, but the Ranger still hasn't given him his keys. I have a nice conversation with him while Dad goes to the bathroom.
The Camp Host, Me, The Camp Host's Wife
(from left to right)

Star Wars: Episode II:Attack of the Bees

While Dad and I are eating our Hobo Stew, Dad is attacked by all the carpenter bees in the park. He kills about eleven of them before barricading the entrance to their hive with a stick.

Thus Ends The Second Day

part two is coming soon

Part Two of the Lake James story is almost completed. It will be definitely be completed by Saturday this week.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

My Adventures At...

I have Created a new series for my Blog that I am calling My Adventures At...
I will label all of them with the label My Adventures At... so that my readers can read all of them and find them easily.


My Adventures At... Lake James State Park (Part One)

Note: My Adventures At Lake James have been broken up into parts. This is Part One.

Driving to Lake James

We go to a gas station to get more gas and spend A LOT more than five dollars on gas.  Dad gets mad at Indian guy at a gas station and decides not to buy ice because he has to pay five dollars to use their ATM to withdraw money and “he didn’t like the Indian guy’s attitude”.  We drive about 9 or 10 miles to a bank so that Dad can get money and not have to pay five dollars.

Detour problems

We are following the signs to Lake James when we see a sign that says: DETOUR: ROAD WORK AHEAD.  We ignore the detour and continue following the signs. We find out that the sign wasn’t joking and have to turn the car around. We use the detour and drive 15 to 20 miles until we reach the end of the detour and finally arrive at the campground.

The Campsites

We realize that site 7 is horrendous. We see that site 6 is awesome. We notice two more things:

Campsite 6


a. Site 6 has a beautiful view
b. Nobody is camping at site 6

We want site 6, so we hike back to the car and drive to the Ranger Station.  At the Ranger Station we find out that site 6 is reserved, but the guy at the Ranger Station informed us that we could change our reservation to site 5.

Flora and Fauna

Dad has to go to the bathroom, so I decide to ask the guy at the Ranger Station (Lets call him GATRS) some questions about the flora and fauna at Lake James State Park:

Lars: What do I do if I see a bear?
GATRS: We only have two or three black bears over on this side of Lake James, and they want nothing to do with you.  Most of the black bears at Lake James live on the other side of the lake, in the Paddy’s Creek Area, and the campsites are on this side of the lake, in the Catawba River Area.  Besides, black bears want nothing to do with you unless you threaten them or their cubs.
Lars: Do you have raccoons here?
GATRS: Yes and the raccoons will probably visit your campsite once or twice during the night

Dad comes in and we go back to the car and drive to the campground parking.

Setting up Camp

We put on our backpacks and hike down to our campsite.  I notice that there is an abandoned pile of chopped hickory wood at campsite 6.  I relocate the hickory wood to site 5. Dad arrives at our campsite with the cooler and the portable grill.  I take my root beer out of the cooler, and when I open it, it explodes out of the bottle.  It is okay that that happened because it cooled me off a bit. Dad tells me that if we cook on the grill provided, we will get typhoid or something.

Typhoid Grill
Our Extremely Waterproof Tent

The Hickory Wood that I "relocated"


Dad and I decide to go and try to find site 18, because the tent camping book that Dad has says that site 18 is very secluded and we didn’t see it when we walked around earlier.  We find site 18, and we also find a great fishing spot.  We decide that we will come back here with our fishing gear and try our luck. Dad only has bait that looks like a fish head, and we catch ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  On the way back to our campsite, I find an AWESOME walking stick.


Dad starts the fire at about 6:00.  I want to burn something, so I take out our map. Before Dad can stop me, I toss our only map into the fire. Understandably, Dad is a little upset about this, but he gets over it quickly.  The ranger arrives at our campsite at about 6:30. He tells us that we can purchase firewood at the ranger station and then they will send somebody down to your campsite with the wood that you purchased.

The Map that I Burned

The Highlight of the Night!

At around 9:00, I leave to go use the bathroom. The bathroom is located at the parking area. Fifteen minutes later, Dad hears me screaming “bear” at the top of my lungs. 1 minute later, Dad hears a thud. Then, he hears me groan.  30 seconds later, Dad comes over to the path and finds me lying on the path because I tripped on a rock.  I tell Dad that I saw a bear and ran away.  Dad and I both go up to the bathroom.  Along the way, dad informs me that the “glowing eyes of the bear” were just some reflectors. When we go into the tent to go to sleep, Dad’s glasses fog over and he can’t see anything.

Thus Ends the First Day





Saturday, January 18, 2014

elf on a shelf is watching you! watching you! watching YOU!

elf on a shelf is a perverted creature.
reward if found*

*not really :)

Monday, August 5, 2013

My Dragon Ate My Homework

One completely ordinary day, I decided to use my iPod to check on my DRAGONVALE Dragon Park. When I tried to open the DRAGONVALE app, a portal burst out of the screen! A hand glowing with arcane energy shot out of the portal grabbed my arm and forcefully yanked me inside of the portal! I was obviously more than a little freaked out by this, so I closed my eyes and hoped that I wasn’t going to die.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a glittering golden statue of a Dragon. Then, the sparkling statue took flight and launched molten GOLD out of its gigantic jaws! I also noticed another glamorous Dragon staring at me. This Dragon was stupendous Silver Dragon. The Silver and Gold Dragons were soaring in the sky, each trying to be more impressive than the other one. It was breathtaking to observe them.
Treasure Dragons on My Beautiful Golden Island

When I looked up at the sky to check the weather, I spotted an awe-inspiring Dragon bursting with power standing erect upon the Sun! The shining Dragon pounced into the sky and launched a roaring fireball into the heavens, where it exploded into thousands of smaller fireballs! I was amazed by this display of awesome power. I noticed an ornately decorated sign that informed me that the giant Dragon prowling on the Sun was a Sun Dragon and that there was no need to worry about the fact that the Sun Dragon was prowling atop the Sun.

Magical Sun Dragon
"Not an original name," I grumbled.  Apparently you're not supposed to stare at them too long, though -- something about burning your eyes out.

When I searched the verdant sanctuary for the fabled Rainbow Dragon, my vision was obscured by splotches of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. My first thought was that my vision was just a little blurry from staring at the Sun. Then I remembered that I wasn’t on Earth anymore, so maybe you could stare at this Sun without your vision getting blurry. I remembered that I was looking for a Rainbow Dragon, and common sense dictates that if you named a Dragon that lives on top of the Sun a Sun Dragon, then you probably also will name a Dragon featuring all the colors of the rainbow a Rainbow Dragon. But why was there a moving rainbow shaped like a Dragon in the sky AND another animated rainbow on the ground? I then realized that I was looking at not one, but two Rainbow Dragons: the rarest Dragons of them all!
My Magnificent Collection of Rainbow Dragons

The Rainbow Dragon's iridescent scales are the most beautiful things in the entire Universe. Once you have seen a Rainbow Dragon's magnificent armored hide I promise you that you will NEVER regret it. I wish I could describe it better to you but mere words cannot describe the Rainbow Dragon's beauty.
Upon viewing the Rainbow Dragon, I wished that my brother Anders could have been there with me so that we could both frolic in the beauty of all of these incredible Dragons together. The instant that I completed that wish, Anders appeared in front of me! Anders was startled to see me, but when I asked him what he was doing here he informed me that he had also been teleported to this magical place, but he wasn't teleported to the same location where I had arrived!

Instead, he had been teleported into an incredibly dense jungle inhabited by Wild Dragons!

“I even discovered a new Dragon! I named it the Red-Eye Tree Dragon because the red-eye tree frog is my favorite animal in the whole wide world!” he exclaimed with a HUGE smile on his face.

Anders showed me how to get to the jungle with all the Wild Dragons and we spent the rest of the day exploring the jungle Anders had found.

At the end of the day we had found fifty-nine new Dragons and had tons of fun together. I didn't want to stop exploring but Anders reminded me that we had to go back home or Mom and Dad would be worried. Once we had reached this agreement, we went to the place where we found the portal. Anders and I decided to jump into the portal on the count of three.

“One, two, three!” we chanted rhythmically. When we reached ‘three,’ we leapt into the portal.

Sadly, instead of being teleported to our home, we were taken to a Racetrack where Dragons can race against one another. We tried to watch a couple of races but the fat guy in the seat behind us kept “accidentally” spilling his coffee on me. After he had spilled his coffee on me eighteen times, I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up to yell at him.
But, when I turned around, instead of seeing the fat guy, I saw a Cyclops! I changed my mind about yelling at him when I noticed the giant war club hanging from his belt and Anders and I decided to leave. We spotted another portal over by the entrance so we jumped into it, hoping that this time, the portal would take us home.
Harry the Cyclops Dragon
Obviously, these portals do not like me and wish to make my life as hard as they possibly can, and this portal was no exception. This portal decided to teleport Anders and me into frozen tundra full of little Eskimos in huge fur coats. We saw yet another portal right in front of us and decided to try our luck again.

Finally, we had found the correct portal! It teleported us back home without giving us any trouble. When we arrived at our house, we realized that we had been given souvenirs! Anders had a Blue Moon Dragon and I had a Solar Eclipse Dragon. The Dragons came with a note that said:

These two Dragons are gifts for you two boys as a prize for helping us Wizards test the new Dragon Planets that we plan to create for the best Dragon Keepers. The Solar Eclipse Dragon is for LARS and the Blue Moon Dragon is for ANDERS. If you ever want to visit your Dragon Planet again, just wish that you were there. The Solar Eclipse Dragon likes to eat salmon, pizza, and tortellini, but it also needs to eat carrots and drink root beer. The Blue Moon Dragon likes to eat salmon, chocolate, and bananas, but it also needs to eat peanut butter and drink orange juice.


As Anders and I got older, the Dragons given to us also grew. Anders tried to show Mom and Dad his pet Blue Moon Dragon, but they were incapable of seeing Dragons, so Anders gave up trying to show Mom and Dad our pet Dragons. Anders and I believe that in order to see Dragons you have to visit a Dragon Planet.