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Saturday, January 18, 2014

elf on a shelf is watching you! watching you! watching YOU!

elf on a shelf is a perverted creature.
reward if found*
LAST SEEN:


*not really :)

Monday, August 5, 2013

My Dragon Ate My Homework


One completely ordinary day, I decided to use my iPod to check on my DRAGONVALE Dragon Park. When I tried to open the DRAGONVALE app, a portal burst out of the screen! A hand glowing with arcane energy shot out of the portal grabbed my arm and forcefully yanked me inside of the portal! I was obviously more than a little freaked out by this, so I closed my eyes and hoped that I wasn’t going to die.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a glittering golden statue of a Dragon. Then, the sparkling statue took flight and launched molten GOLD out of its gigantic jaws! I also noticed another glamorous Dragon staring at me. This Dragon was stupendous Silver Dragon. The Silver and Gold Dragons were soaring in the sky, each trying to be more impressive than the other one. It was breathtaking to observe them.
Treasure Dragons on My Beautiful Golden Island

When I looked up at the sky to check the weather, I spotted an awe-inspiring Dragon bursting with power standing erect upon the Sun! The shining Dragon pounced into the sky and launched a roaring fireball into the heavens, where it exploded into thousands of smaller fireballs! I was amazed by this display of awesome power. I noticed an ornately decorated sign that informed me that the giant Dragon prowling on the Sun was a Sun Dragon and that there was no need to worry about the fact that the Sun Dragon was prowling atop the Sun.


Magical Sun Dragon
"Not an original name," I grumbled.  Apparently you're not supposed to stare at them too long, though -- something about burning your eyes out.

When I searched the verdant sanctuary for the fabled Rainbow Dragon, my vision was obscured by splotches of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. My first thought was that my vision was just a little blurry from staring at the Sun. Then I remembered that I wasn’t on Earth anymore, so maybe you could stare at this Sun without your vision getting blurry. I remembered that I was looking for a Rainbow Dragon, and common sense dictates that if you named a Dragon that lives on top of the Sun a Sun Dragon, then you probably also will name a Dragon featuring all the colors of the rainbow a Rainbow Dragon. But why was there a moving rainbow shaped like a Dragon in the sky AND another animated rainbow on the ground? I then realized that I was looking at not one, but two Rainbow Dragons: the rarest Dragons of them all!
 
My Magnificent Collection of Rainbow Dragons

The Rainbow Dragon's iridescent scales are the most beautiful things in the entire Universe. Once you have seen a Rainbow Dragon's magnificent armored hide I promise you that you will NEVER regret it. I wish I could describe it better to you but mere words cannot describe the Rainbow Dragon's beauty.
Upon viewing the Rainbow Dragon, I wished that my brother Anders could have been there with me so that we could both frolic in the beauty of all of these incredible Dragons together. The instant that I completed that wish, Anders appeared in front of me! Anders was startled to see me, but when I asked him what he was doing here he informed me that he had also been teleported to this magical place, but he wasn't teleported to the same location where I had arrived!

Instead, he had been teleported into an incredibly dense jungle inhabited by Wild Dragons!

“I even discovered a new Dragon! I named it the Red-Eye Tree Dragon because the red-eye tree frog is my favorite animal in the whole wide world!” he exclaimed with a HUGE smile on his face.

Anders showed me how to get to the jungle with all the Wild Dragons and we spent the rest of the day exploring the jungle Anders had found.

At the end of the day we had found fifty-nine new Dragons and had tons of fun together. I didn't want to stop exploring but Anders reminded me that we had to go back home or Mom and Dad would be worried. Once we had reached this agreement, we went to the place where we found the portal. Anders and I decided to jump into the portal on the count of three.

“One, two, three!” we chanted rhythmically. When we reached ‘three,’ we leapt into the portal.

Sadly, instead of being teleported to our home, we were taken to a Racetrack where Dragons can race against one another. We tried to watch a couple of races but the fat guy in the seat behind us kept “accidentally” spilling his coffee on me. After he had spilled his coffee on me eighteen times, I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up to yell at him.
 
But, when I turned around, instead of seeing the fat guy, I saw a Cyclops! I changed my mind about yelling at him when I noticed the giant war club hanging from his belt and Anders and I decided to leave. We spotted another portal over by the entrance so we jumped into it, hoping that this time, the portal would take us home.
Harry the Cyclops Dragon
Obviously, these portals do not like me and wish to make my life as hard as they possibly can, and this portal was no exception. This portal decided to teleport Anders and me into frozen tundra full of little Eskimos in huge fur coats. We saw yet another portal right in front of us and decided to try our luck again.

Finally, we had found the correct portal! It teleported us back home without giving us any trouble. When we arrived at our house, we realized that we had been given souvenirs! Anders had a Blue Moon Dragon and I had a Solar Eclipse Dragon. The Dragons came with a note that said:

These two Dragons are gifts for you two boys as a prize for helping us Wizards test the new Dragon Planets that we plan to create for the best Dragon Keepers. The Solar Eclipse Dragon is for LARS and the Blue Moon Dragon is for ANDERS. If you ever want to visit your Dragon Planet again, just wish that you were there. The Solar Eclipse Dragon likes to eat salmon, pizza, and tortellini, but it also needs to eat carrots and drink root beer. The Blue Moon Dragon likes to eat salmon, chocolate, and bananas, but it also needs to eat peanut butter and drink orange juice.

THE WIZARD

As Anders and I got older, the Dragons given to us also grew. Anders tried to show Mom and Dad his pet Blue Moon Dragon, but they were incapable of seeing Dragons, so Anders gave up trying to show Mom and Dad our pet Dragons. Anders and I believe that in order to see Dragons you have to visit a Dragon Planet.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

How I WILL Rise To Power

My rise to power that will occur in the future will happen like this:
1.) The heavens will rain an extremely acidic substance which will melt through sections of the street. This will make driving impossible.
2.) The surface of the roads will increase in temperature until it reaches 1000000°C. Now, nothing can touch the road without melting, not even a tank.
3.) All technology will come to life and it will all have a deep-seated hatred of humans. This will render the technology of humans completely useless.
4.) There will be an earthquake like no other. It will cause the surface of the Earth to fracture and an army of angry mutants and giants (see image #1) will scramble up out the cracks.

image #1: Giant
They will then proceed to destroy New York City and using their incredible brainpower, they will build a gigantic fortress. (see image #2)


Image #2: Fortress
5.) The army of mutants and giants will recognize Lars (me) as their leader. I will then command them to take over North American Aerospace Defense Command. (NORAD) Their next command will be to upgrade a Panzer tank according to my standards. (See Image #3)


Image #3: Tank
6.) I will name my tank "Larsatron." I will then order my army to clone the Velociraptor, except they will all all obey me. They will eat my enemies in an arena for my own enjoyment. They will also be mounts for my army and there will be an entire legion of velociraptors. Some will also serve as bodyguards for my family members. I will then march on Paris, France to exercise  my rule over all of Europe. I will also clone sauropods like Seismosaurs. They will bring the Eiffel Tower to my mother, as she adores it. To protect her from angry Frenchmen, I will clone obedient Tyrannosaurs to serve as guards for her. And finally...


I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!















Friday, November 9, 2012

Thursday, October 11, 2012

My Punishment for Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong
 
During his career as a cyclist, Lance Armstrong has been using bad drugs to win races. He made his teammates take the bad drugs, or else he would kick them off the team. He survived cancer, and then he went and won the Tour de France seven times. He was a real jerk, like the people in the Pinewood Derby who get one of those special upgrade packs for their cars and win because they upgraded their car with motors and engines. All in all, I cannot understand how Armstrong can live with what he has done. If I was an ancient Greek, I would expect him to go to the fields of punishment and have to be injected with a lethal acid that slowly devours him, from the inside out. Then, when he was devoured, he would reappear and the process would start all over again. I know that is harsh, but it is what he deserves.


 

Monday, August 27, 2012

Ranger's Apprentice: the Ruins of Gorlan *Spoiler Alert*

In case you don't already know, my favorite book series is called "Ranger's Apprentice". This blog post is a summary of the first Ranger's Apprentice book: the Ruins of Gorlan.

The first book is called "the Ruins of Gorlan". The main characters are Will: an orphan apprenticed to the ranger named "Halt" to become an Araluen Ranger; Alyss: an orphan apprenticed by Lady Pauline of the diplomatic service to become a courier; Horace: an orphan who joins battleschool to become a knight; Jenny: an orphan who is apprenticed to master Chubb; and George: an orphan apprenticed to the diplomatic service. The book begins with Will and Horace's apprenticeships and the rivalry between the two of them, until the Boar hunt. During the boar hunt, Sir. Rodney of battleschool kills the boar, but unknown to the hunters, there is a second boar who attacks Horace. However, Will sees the boar and shoots it with an arrow, starting an extremely close bond between them. Then, it's time for Halt and Will to go to the Gathering, in which all the rangers come together for one big meeting. That's when Halt, Will, and Gilan -Halt's last apprentice- are givin the task of killing the Kalkara. Can they do this? Find out for yourself!

Sunday, August 12, 2012

NRG Kai


\Kai was not always a ninja, in fact, he started out as a blacksmith!  In case you are wondering 'who the heck is Kai?', well, Kai is the guy who is on fire in the above picture. Understand? Good. Kai became a ninja when skeletons kidnapped his sister Nya. Kai becomes an NRG ninja when he is trying to rescue Lloyd Garmadon, the green ninja from being incinerated in a volcano. His  power creates a bubble of lava to form around him.